Mmm let's start with the fact - we are all little children. Yes, deary, we truly are.
Does not sound too appealing, does it? But pretending to be too "adultish" won't work here anymore... we are going deep!
And truth is truth - we all have a little child inside ourselves that is often called in spiritual world: THE INNER CHILD. Because it is literally.... inside yourself!
It is the part of you that creates those famous and well-known tantrums. You know, the never ending dramas and all of those "Ooops how could I acted this way. It was so childish!". Yes, that part...
I know, it might be weird admitting to ourselves that we have a little child inside ourselves.
After all, we believe we are all grown ups or at least growing up. Wait... are we?
But INNER CHILD always goes along with our grown-up creations. In fact, it will never truly leave us.
Now, it can surely become a little bit more "adultish", yet it will be there near us even during our oldest granny days. It will still be there making you act sometimes a little bit....childish.
You might think "So what's the point of growing up?".
Well, the point is not to let your child control you, but to listen to it. It is literally parenting at its biggest. Without considerations if you want kids or not. You got one already.
And ow dear, that kid knows your deepest wounds and uncertainties, your true sadness occurrences and pain points.
Cause that kid is those points. That kid is those wounds and events. It is the creation of it.
And while most wounds can be healed, the experiences of it will still linger, even if we try to forget it. Experience is an experience that stays with us, simply because it was an experience we encountered.
So this INNER CHILD comes as a package of these experiences and your responses to them.
It represents the most uncomfortable parts of it and our deepest protection mechanisms that we try to hide from others.
And well... the best way of hiding is acting as a kid - creating tantrums, dropping to the floor, kicking, screaming, crying.
We think we become a little bit more polished when we become adults as we tend to not drop to the floor anymore.
But we still kick, scream and cry standing. At times, we include some fascinating effects such as some dramatic exists and maybe even smashing some things. So... not much truly changed.
Because INNER CHILD is still there and it commands the presence during the conflicts the most. Cause during conflicts it feels that it is not being appreciated and listened to.
We think we do not feel appreciated and listened by others. So we think it is others hurting our INNER CHILD. Yet, in truth, it is us not appreciating and listening to it.
Otherwise, we would not be in these situations. Otherwise we would have set boundaries long time ago. Otherwise, we would have expressed our needs and desires.
Otherwise, we also would have listened to the INNER CHILD of the other person.
There is nothing wrong seeing each other as kids, because in truth we all have had certain traumas. Just in different ways and environments.
We all encountered something that hurt us. Something that felt us feel "not being enough".
It is time to admit that it is not a big shame, but the true beauty of life of having emotions and feelings. That marvellous experience of having human experience.
I know it might not seem so marvellous for you, cause who the heck would need pain in their lives, right?
But that's a part of happiness. You see.... without light darkness would not exist. Without darness light would not seem as beautiful. It is there because we have them both to create the comparissons.
And, at the same time, we should take it as two beautiful separates too. In truth, everything in life comes as separates and at the same time it comes together, both at the same time.
Your Inner Child is both separate from you and together with you too.
It is seperate because it is your past experiences. It is much easier to see it once you separate it from yourself and identify past events that created it.
On the other hand, past does not truly exist as past is just present identification of what happened. But everything happens just NOW.
OK, I guess you get the point that INNER CHILD is truly there and it is definitely not leaving. So much for a positive life in this lifetime, doh.
But can we make this life a little bit less painful? Can we make our child more happy and make it feel more excited about life? I mean isn't that how we want our kids to feel? Happy kid = happy parent.
Well, we absolutely can! Here are 4 awesome tips for "Kick-ass Child Manegement aka Awesome Inner Parenting":
LISTEN TO IT.
One thing that any child ( and in fact anything on Earth) wants is just to be observed and be listened too. It does not truly need remarks, comments or advices on how to behave.
Well, maybe sometimes, but it does not truly want to hear it.... All it wants and seeks is to be listened to fully.
Most often we have conflicting situations, because we take too long time not listening to our kid and its needs. Listening can truly create less tantrums.
Sadly, most of us are not that good at listening or, at least not, not as good as we are at speaking. But we have two ears and one mouth for the reason...
So ask yourself what your INNER CHILD wants to tell you and listen it fully. Without any interuptions or judgement. Yes, literally imagine having a conversation. Just a listening conversation.
DON'T BLAME IT.
Whatever you do - don't blame your INNER CHILD for all you problems.
Don't feel ashamed of it either. Shame is another blame. Do not say that you hate or want it gone.
This behaviour will just ruin the relationship and make your life harder, cause without friendship with your INNER CHILD there won't truly be any management and parenting. And that means "hell is unleashed". I really mean....do not go on that trip.
After all, INNER CHILD is a part of you and blaming yourself won't help anyone.
You might think it might help yourself, but blame is just a victim mentality about which we also speak often in this blog. Because victim mentality tries to sneakishly get in everywhere as it is much easier to create blame than action.
All the INNER CHILD needs is acceptance. You need to accept that part of you as your growing corestone.
You are here the way you are because of it. It is not a curse, but a gift.
Can you notice already how happy your Inner child gets just by simply reading those last written words: YOUR INNER CHILD IS A GIFT?
Your Inner Child needs lots of protection as it is still a child and cannot truly take care of itself fully.
Sarcastically, this is also what creates most issues with INNER CHILD as we often identify protection as the need to protect ourselves from any harm, especially emotional one.
Now, we have emotions and all these emotions are neutral. It is just our broadening of these emotions and the decision to re-create sorrow over and over again that creates out-of-hand experiences.
Though, being emotional is normal. Actually not being emotional is considered welll... problematic. No one truly wants to feel cold and act as a robot.
Protection for THE INNER CHILD needs to be soft and gentle and, of course, it starts with listening that I mentioned as a first tip. Listening is the biggest part of protection that makes INNER CHILD feel safe.
Basically here true protection means making your INNER CHILD "feel at home".
And well... it does not truly feel at home by being in conflicting situations. No one truly wants to live in that environment. It is threatening to all of us.
So true protection means listening, soft comfort and at the same time soft challenging for growth. Showing that we care of INNER CHILD needs and accept them the way they are, yet at the same time we show our INNER CHILD that we want it to grow, learn and expand into their own best version. Not to change, but to flourish.
PLAY WITH IT.
Now, we all know what children like to do the most. Ok ok, we actually all do.
PLAY! This is often why people actually get kids - to have excuses for playing. Just kidding.... dark jokes on spiritual blog, heck yeah!
But, of course, we all like to play. Yet, most of us do not play that much anymore. We are so busy with adult tasks that we start to identify playful activities as "too childish" or "silly".
Making puzzles, drawing, colouring, playing board games, jumping on trampoline, singing, dancing is considered just that 5 min activity and that's enough. But, hey, your inner child needs more time for enjoyment!
So what about scheduling some playful dates with your INNER CHILD? 1-2h fun activities that need to be taken very very seriously! By serious I mean no postponing or cancelations.
After all, you need to make your child feel good, because its good feelings will bring you more good feelings.
It is not what an INNER CHILD can give to you, it is what can you give to it. And once you do, you will notice that this giving is actually giving to yourself.
Simple ask your INNER CHILD what it wants to do, let it choose, do not judge here too and schedule some playful quality time for both of you.
I think now you are truly ready for some super power parenting. Maybe I should even do a parenting course for this. Who knows. Let's see what the Universe will unfold.
But for now... I can hear my INNER CHILD screaming for attention. It is time to listen to it.
She is also sending greeting to your INNER CHILD!